Campfire

Our first little campfire to roast hotdogs! We had so much fun! And it's so nice to be able to do this at our own house!!!

Sure love my boys

Wrist Problems

I ended up making an appointment for my wrist cause it's been bothering me and I thought I might have another cyst on my wrist. And Alisha was needing to go see the same doctor so I told to just come in and see if we could squeeze her in with me and the were able to. Ha so we both ended up having our wrist bandaged up. I got two injection shots cause he thought my pain might be from tendinitis but as he was shots in he confirmed that the other bump is a cyst so we are hoping that the shots help and also help with my cyst. I should notice a difference in a few days. And poor Alisha has to go in for another surgery on her wrist.

It was pretty puffed up after the shots

My hand later that day ha it looked pretty weird and hurt

New Couches

New couches and rug!! Not the best picture of them but the are grey with a little back on them.

Every time I look at this room and see these couches and rug I can't believe they are ours!! We have never really had anything this nice in our house and I keep thinking how they don't really belong. But we all love them and they are so very comfortable!!! And the rug is seriously the softest thing I have ever felt!! I could sleep on it every day! 

Easter 2017

Easter egg hunt and breakfast at the rexburg drive in. It was so dang cold but we had fun!! They had so many things for the kids to do while we waited for our breakfast to get finished.

My cute little people!! Sure love them!

 

Our cute little bunny on her 1st Easter!

My cute baby and I enjoying the beautiful weather outside

Happy Easter!! I have thinking a lot about my family and how very important they are to me and how because of the savior I have the opportunity to be with them forever! Also how truly powerful the atonement is and how we need to let the savior into our life so that he can help ease our burdens and sorrows! I have struggled with depression and anxiety most of my life and it is a humbling thing to know that Jesus suffered all I have and more so I don't have to suffer alone and how he is always there for us. We just need to ask and let him help us.  

Baby Jay

Baby Jay Williams 

We were so excited to meet him on Sunday but the boys were a little sad to not get to see him since he was in the nicu. But I had Nate take a picture for the boys to see. He is so cute and tiny. 7lbs and 20in long.

The kiddos were so excited to finally get to meet baby Jay on Saturday. They had a hard time containing there excitement and not touching him!! 

And also this week Jace did the wall sit for 5 minutes and 4o seconds. He has beat everyone that has tried it with him. Myself and his uncle Sean included haha. It was the funniest thing watching Sean try and beat him. He was screaming and yelling and trying to convince Jace to give up. But Jace stuck it out and both there legs were shaking pretty good after they got done. Jace acted like the whole thing didn't faze him at all ha. He is such a tough kid!! I'm sure he is stronger than most kids 2 his age! He is continually amazing me with his strength.

This week has been so crazy with all the snow and cold temperatures we have been having. I was very Paranoid about us loosing power so I had ante buy some bottled water and batteries for flashlights, and a few other necessities so we wouldn't run out of anything . Jace only went to school once this week due to temperatures. It was so fun to have everyone home on Thursday and Friday! 

2016

I'm not a huge fan of New Years ha But looking back on 2016 it was one of the hardest years for me. I don't like to share very personal things about myself but I figured I needed to write  down a little about this past year to be able to look back on. Anyways very few people know I struggle very bad with depression and anxiety. I am very good at putting up a good front ha even my doctor who I have been seeing for 6 plus years was amazing at how depressed I actually was and said I would have never guessed cause you always have a smile on your face ha. It also been so hard not fitting in with any of my sister in laws. I have cried many many times and said countless prayers that I would be able to have at least one sister in law that I felt close to or had a good relationship with. I have tried my hardest to build relationships with my sister in laws or fit in but I still haven't figured out my spot in the family. And I have notice more that I have pushed most of our family members away because of it. I know with out a doubt if it wasn't for Nate I wouldn't have been able to make it through this last year. Anyways This last year I have felt like I have hit rock bottom with both depression and anxiety. In the past I have always been able to pull myself out of it but this last year my good days became very far apart. I just figured my hormones with being pregnant with a girl but even after Rylee was born it never went away. I remember it was as we were moving back just crying to Nate and just feeling so confused on how I could be feeling so depressed even though I could see how mindful the lord was of our family and how blessed we have been. In August after just wanting to give up and for the first time in my life I couldn't talk myself out of why I needed to still be alive. I left I had nothing to live for and I my family would be better off without me. So I decided to go talk to my doctor and after trying some meds and nothing changing we decided it would be smart to go talk with a counselor and try different medications. It's been good to talk with a counselor even if it hasn't seemed to help yet. It has opened my eye and helped me be more aware of triggers and things in my life that have been pulling me down. The start of this new year was very hard because I have felt like I haven't made any progress and I have tried several different medications, been going to a counselor, I read my scriptures and say my prayers daily, I go to church and still I feel like giving up and so overwhelmed whelmed to the point sadly to say I do get suicidal thought more often then I don't and I was so angry and confused to how I could be trying my best to do what is right but still I could feel so hopeless. So I was super frustrated and spent hours and hours just crying. I hate feeling like a failure at being a mother and wife I am constantly striving to be better cause my family deserve the very best!! But my poor sweet husband tried his very best to comfort me and give me advice.  But in the moment it didn't really help ha but as I thought it over the rest of the night I was able to find a little comfort and hope in his council to help me to be able to push on a little longer. Don't get me wrong we have been very very blessed this last year also with the cutest and sweetest baby girl in the world, Nate graduating and find a job right away, Nate doing very well selling in the summer, and have friendships grow stronger with our summer families (to name a few of the many many blessings we have received). But I am hopeful that this year things will get a little better:).

Well I think that is enough babble about my problems and embarrassing myself for one night haha